My family? We’re another story. My parents were unhappily married for 24 years when they finally spilt. (I don’t care what my dad says. They hadn’t been happy since about 1983). I added to the dysfunction when I moved in with my boyfriend at 19 and in a matter of 5 years got engaged, married, lost a baby, had a baby, and divorced. My sister contributed so much of her own dysfunction she’s a future story all her own. So, for the drama to come from the other side is a real blessing.

You can imagine our surprise when we were driving home from Chicago last weekend and we got the call. You know - the one that changes life as you know it. My cell phone rang and I saw my BF’s sister’s name pop up – not unusual - until I answer:

Me: “Hey what’s up?”

Her: “Are you with my brother?” (well hello to you too)

Me: “Yes, why?”
Her: “Will you hand him the phone please?”

At this point all kinds of scenarios run through my head – someone died, or someone was in the hospital, or she went through another break-up, or our dogs got out when she was watching them…..

BF: “Hello?” (just awakened from a deep hangover induced car-nap)

BF: (pause) “WHAT??????”

CLICK.

They haven’t spoken since. Despite the fact the BF and I live in sin he is pretty traditional and old-fashioned when it comes to certain situations. Apparently pregnancy before marriage is one of them. The situation she stupidly put herself in is against everything the BF stands for: she’s 19, going to college, lives at home, is on her parents insurance (how does that work when your baby is on your insurance and is having a baby?), she just had her heart broken by her high school sweetheart less than a year ago and already has a new over-21 boyfriend (with no college degree). Oh yeah. And she didn’t use any birth control.

Now call me crazy but I have had my share of fun and in the 5 years since Batman Boy was born (and even before that) I’ve very easily managed NOT to get pregnant. In fact my only two rules were have fun and don’t get knocked up.

As you can imagine her news was upsetting. But even worse was the fact she’s known about the pregnancy since December 4^th which meant we went through multiple family dinners (including Christmas) and the joke was on us. And little did we know the biggest surprise was yet to come.

The Monday following our revelation I logged onto Facebook in an attempt to avoid typing meeting minutes, or responding to emails, or whatever it is we’re avoiding when we e-stalk and I noticed Baby Daddy’s Facebook page is unlocked. I have no shame – I went straight to his wall to see what other parts of the story I could devise and found this:

“Why isn’t your relationship status changed yet? I figured you’d be right on that.”

The post was from Baby Daddy’s sister-in-law. I immediately texted BF’s sister: “R U ENGAGED?????”

“Yes.” And she had been for 3 weeks.

Now I suppose its good Baby Daddy didn’t up and run. But I fear for her. Life is stressful enough and now she will go through the most stressful life changes within weeks (or days) of each other: getting engaged and eventually married, living with a man for the first time in her life, paying bills and – gasp! – having joint finances, having a baby, going to school, and turning 21. And I thought I did a lot in 5 years.

 Its been a long time since I’ve had any desire to have more children, but I’ve been more open to the idea lately. What this unfortunate situation brought to light for me was even though my marriage was on the rocks my desire to have Batman Boy was very real, very intentional. Somehow that memory gets lost in the story since divorce was the result. But the next time around I’ll have a man by my side who is committed to me, the journey, and the joy of bringing life into the world because that’s what you intended to do. And that is the best feeling in the world.