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The Man Cave

DevinW

is our new blogger and a new daddy to be! He and his fiance Kyoko live in Tokyo where he teaches and is President/Designer of W Design Inc, a sustainable green design firm. Devin also continues his entertainment industry pursuits in America. His latest film project is Corked! a mockumentary.

Take time to join s@hmmy.com fan page on Facebook and wish him good daddy luck!

Advice Versa~ DevinW

So here it comes, here comes something I didn't expect about expecting and that is the advice. Holy God, do people have advice on pregnancy and parenting or what? In my 30 years of life I've engaged in many activities and tried many new things, traveled a lot, owned pets, and made some major purchases, all of which came with some advice from someone. I know people like chiming in to help out, when they feel like they are experienced and I've gone through that with all the things I just mentioned, but nothing like this. I can not believe the amount of advice people openly give.

It's amazing how no one asks if you want it or not, they just start shoveling it at you, and many times it's the most obvious and basic advice i.e., "make sure you guys read a lot of baby books", "tell her to eat healthy", "don't let her snort coke". I generally handle unwanted advice by freaking out and then acting like we've been doing the exact opposite and then I ask them if they're sure about what they just told me and then I act depressed. Although that's fun to do, I've noticed it works as a huge invitation for even more advice. So I quit. I don't know what it is about pregnancy that makes people such concerned experts who know you're dying to hear what they have to say. It even turns the inexperienced into experts, I swear I've received a lot of advice from single people who have a sister or best friend with children and they feel the need to just tell you things to try or look into. Are they kidding?

The best answer or reason I can come up with for this unusual behavior is this: it's actually behavior dating back to early man. It dates back to when our communication was just getting started and our survival was very hard in a very harsh and dangerous world. We clung together finding safety in our social tribal numbers. As our brains evolved frontal lobes for advanced thinking and survival our heads grew to a size that made child birth very hard, and the length of a child's reliance on it's parents much, much longer. Survival was our number one priority and information was becoming our key to that survival. So anyone who had advice would give it, to help ensure the survival of the fetus or child. The entire family, tribe and/or village had a part in raising the child. So if you are an expecting parent or a regular parent and people feel the need to just openly give you advice, just remember that they probably don't think you're stupid or a bad parent, they are simply acting on an ancient instinct to help out with your child's ultimate survival. In other words relax and be grateful no matter how insultingly stupid the advice might be. And by the way you should look into feeding your kids vegetables and you should also use a seat belt both those things are really good for them.

WHAT NOT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING

So it seems that most parents know about the very popular book "What to Expect When your Expecting" and I must say it has been a great resource in the first half of this pregnancy. So for you fathers-to-be or those who have been through it, I have, to help you out and to pay tribute to that useful book, made a list of 21 things NOT to expect when you're expecting:

1) Sex

2) Anything related to sex

3) For her not to realize just how much of a clueless jerk you really are.

4) Steady, Calm and rational behavior from her.

5) To be able to eat anything she isn't allowed to eat. If you think you can see #3.

6)To be care free, and not start stressing over all kinds of ridiculous stuff.

7) To ever know what to say when she is upset, freaking out or completely rampaging. That is an absolute impossibility.

8) To ever actually be certain as to your role in the pregnancy. See #3.

9)To ever be prepared for what is coming next.

10)To be able to sleep when she can't. See #3.

11)To be able to make jokes about how big she is getting. See #3.

12) To get any sort of attention from anyone when she is in the room.

13) To get any credit in the process.

15)To stay macho or manly, the first sonogram, or kick you feel will make you tear up like a little bitch.

16) To be one of those few parents who don't talk about their kids or fetus all the time.

17) To remain indifferent about toy stores or baby stores.

19) To remain a guy who has never heard nor seen his woman fart, burp or perform a dozen other unladylike bodily functions.

20) To not be a fully changed human, full of hope and joy, and the greatest love you ever felt coursing through your veins.

21) To be fearless and not scared completely shitless.

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